honey bunches of taint.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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