I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
