I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
