The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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