I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
