Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
