oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
