If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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