drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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