Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
