Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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