does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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