The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
