your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
