"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
