No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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