The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
