Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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