Responsibility does not care about your dick.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
