It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
