I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
