Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
