um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
time to smoke my breakfast
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
