wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
