She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
