That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
