I can tuck mytits in my pants
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
