he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Randomize
