You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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