Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
