He disabled his match.com account in front of me
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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