did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
