Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
