Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
