To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
