She is in my trunk
I'm jealous of your bromance
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
