last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
