Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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