omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
