The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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