someone get that fucking seahorse.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
