Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
