woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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