I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
