i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
