so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
