Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
