best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
