let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i dont even know how to be here
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
