Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
