it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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