do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
