My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I am available for nakedness
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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